


Be Happy, My Baby

by tightropetwitter



Series: Changing the World to be Ours [2]
Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, Parenthood, Period-Typical Racism, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 05:28:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13897257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tightropetwitter/pseuds/tightropetwitter
Summary: A simple Drabble Collection of Anne Wheeler and Phillip Carlyle as they become parents.Sort of a sequel to my previous work 'I Think It's Possible' it's not required reading but it's all in the same verse.





	1. Walking a Tightrope

The Circus had ended around thirty minutes ago, pretty much everybody had filed out of the main tent and went out home to either one of the tents in the back or to somewhere else in New York. Anne and Phillip on the other hand had yet to return to their apartment. Phillip had a few things he needed to ensure for tomorrow's show.

Phillip returned to the main tent, he looked around for Anne, his heart dropped when he realized she was up in the ropes “Anne!” he gasped looking up at her “What are you doing?”

Anne quickly tied a knot between the two ropes to create a seat and swung her leg through “Phillip, I-I’m sorry, it’s just while you went in the back I saw the ropes and I just-” Anne rushed through an explanation “It’s just I’ve been missing the trapeze…” Anne flexed her fingers along the ropes.

Although not easing his nerves, Phillip knew how badly Anne had been longing for the heights, he’d even noticed her enviously eyeing the birds at the bay, but he could never forgive himself if he let her continue performing and something happened to the baby, and he knew Anne would never forgive herself either. Even twenty-some feet up in the air he could see guilt settle in her eyes “Can you just,” he sighed “Come down please?”

Anne nodded “Okay, just one more trick? Just as I come down?” she pled. Phillip remained quiet but gave a quick nod and a small smile. He knew how much trapeze meant to her, and he did enjoy seeing her happy “Just come down quick.”

Anne undid the knot in the rope with her foot and climbed the rope just a bit higher to give her some extra rope to work with and began to wrap and tie it around her foot with one hand. She moved to push herself higher, as she put her weight onto it, the knot quickly unraveled leaving nothing to support her, leaving her to freefall.

Phillip felt his chest tighten, fear gripped his heart like a vice. He rushed forward, throwing his arms in front of him. He send out a silent prayer that he moved quickly enough.

His legs buckled and collapsed under the impact. He winced slightly as the cool sand pressed into his back through his shirt. He opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling before he began to sit up. He saw tears streaming down Anne’s face, her hand limply curled around her stomach.

Phillip inhaled sharply, his eyes widened nervously “Are you hurt? Is it the baby?” he whimpered. Anne lifted her hand to wipe a tear “No I-I don’t think so... I feel so guilty…” she stammered.

Phillip shifted his legs and pulled Anne closer in his arms “You’re okay, that’s all that matters.” he reassured, tears continued to stream down her face “I was being selfish, I-I put my wishes above the safety of our child!” Anne buried her face into Phillip’s chest.

Phillip slowly rubbed her back “Anne, darling, please don’t beat yourself up like this.” he kissed her temple “You’re flawless on the trapeze, you had every reason to believe that you’d everything would be fine, it wasn’t your fault, accidents happen, but you’re safe.” Phillip consoled, kissing her again “You’re okay and the baby is okay.”

Anne sobbed into his chest again. Phillip just held her, softly kissing her and whispering into her ear, perhaps she just needed to ride this out, but Phillip refused for her to do so without her knowing how much he loved her.

Anne slowly stopped, instead she remained silent. Phillip slowly stood up, upon standing he felt a sharp pain shoot through his knee, he attempted to shake it off but it remained as he slowly lifted Anne onto her feet, she stood but still firmly held onto Phillip’s arm, her head leaning onto his shoulder.

Their apartment was only two streets from the circus as Anne insisted while they were buying the apartment, so the walk was short, or it least it was in theory, not quite as easy with a damaged knee and a seemingly sleepwalking girl leaned against your shoulder.

The glares he received on the streets annoyed him, of course they did, but what else was to be expected of a white man limping down the streets of the city with a black girl clinging to him. Phillip brushed them off, as best he could.

Once inside the apartment Phillip slowly lifted Anne into his arms again, ignoring the pain in his knee again, Anne may have murmered a protest or two but Phillip ignored them as he walked down the hall and into their bedroom, he laid Anne down onto their bed, quickly noticing how fast she had fallen asleep. He pulled her shoes off, dropping them onto the floor and laid a blanket over her before changing out of his sandy clothes.


	2. Don't You Know That I'm Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip and a familiar face discuss Anne and the Baby after the show one night

As everyone was preparing for the show, as soon as he could Phillip told everyone he couldn’t dance, at least for tonight, he did spare them how he did it though, he knew Anne wanted to keep that between them “Damn, first Anne is out and now you? I’m starting to wonder if we’re cursed.” Missouri, one of the acrobats, said in a joking tone. Phillip forced a small chuckle, he and Anne had yet to announce the news of the baby. They would soon enough, it was just so recently they had found out, maybe things just hadn’t lined up properly to tell everyone, maybe it was just that Anne and Phillip still needed time to process things themselves, but for now, it would remain a secret between him and Anne. 

The show went on as planned, the dancers quickly helped Phillip with some modified choreography and it seemed that no one noticed that Phillip wasn’t exactly giving the same energy and intensity he normally did.

After the show, a familiar voice spoke up while hanging up his showman coat “It’s always a pleasure seeing how well you uphold the role.” Phillip turned around to see his business partner, mentor, and friend, standing at the door.

“It’s a pleasure to see you as well.” Phillip said with a smile, it had been far too long since P.T had come by the Circus, understandably so but his presence at was always welcomed and even missed some days.

P.T came forward “It was a great show, but I did notice Anne’s absence. Is she alright?” he asked with curious eyes. He may have left the position of ringmaster but the amount of concern he had for the show didn’t decrease much.

Phillip nodded “Yes she’ll be absent from shows for a while… She… She’s pregnant.” he said 

P.T’s eyes lit up as returned a smile to Phillip “Ah! That’s fantastic news. Congratulations.” he said giving Phillip’s shoulder a supportive touch. He furrowed his brows in question “Something the matter?”

Phillip shook his head “It’s not that we aren’t excited to have a baby it’s just all… It’s a lot to handle… We’ve sort of been struggling…” he confessed. P.T nodded “You seem like you need to talk. You want to get a quick drink?”

Phillip flashed a small smile “That’d be great.” he said nodding.

* * *

 

P.T told Charity and the girls he what he was doing, promising Caroline and Helen that he’d be home to say goodnight before they fell asleep, and they were on their way.

The bartender set down two glasses in front of them. Phillip reached forward, slowly sipping his drink “Like I said, it’s not that we don’t want the child, we’re just scared. Especially Anne, she’s terrified.” P.T nodded “I understand that, when Charity and I first found out we were expecting Caroline, we were scared. We were a young couple in New York in a small apartment. Excited to be parents, but afraid to be bad ones.” 

Phillip set his glass back down onto the bar “Not only that, Anne is afraid of the scrutiny of having a biracial child.” he said running his fingers over the ridges shaped into the glass “It’s a hard thing to talk to her about because she says I’m not gonna be able to understand.”

P.T sipped his whiskey “That is a tricky subject.” he said setting his glass down on the bar “And she’s right, you aren’t going to be able to know how she feels, because she’s been there, she’s felt those accusatory stares, the way people look at here when she walks around uptown, she’s been thrown out of stores, and restaurants, she’s felt that all her life, and you haven’t.” he said beginning to gesture with his hands, always the great showman, even in everyday life “She’s worried about putting those stares, and those looks and those glares and that hatred on a child, especially her own child.”

Phillip nodded slightly, leaning his head onto his hand “I really want to support her, but some days she just pushes me away, because I can’t understand, I won’t understand.” he said dejectedly. Phillip gripped the glass in front of him, quickly downing the rest of the whiskey in the glass and slamming it back down on the bar.

The  glass landed against the bar with a heavy thud, the bartender glared over his shoulder at Phillip “Sorry.” he apologized faintly looking down into the empty glass.

P.T grabbed Phillip’s shoulder “She might just need some space now and then. How far along is she?” he asked tilting his head “Almost  three months.” Phillip responded “You still have time. As I said, I was worried when we had Caroline, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to provide for my family.” he said giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze 

“But time went on, and things got better, I didn’t worry so much. Every now and then I had my doubts, I worried that Charity would come to her senses and leave.” he said slowly dragging his hand away. P.T grabbed his glass again “But she didn’t, and after a while I hardly thought about it, and now I never do.” he said finishing off his drink.

“Things get better but sometimes fears take a while to get over. Just be there when she needs you and offer your help, and if she wants to be alone then back off a little,” he said “Not entirely of course.”

“Besides, the first trimesters always rough anyways. I’m a dead man if she ever finds out I said this, but Charity was an absolute nightmare for the first three months.” he said smirking Phillip chuckled softly “Oh, P.T, where would I be without you.” he joked. P.T shrugged “Probably at some boring party uptown.” he said laughing.


	3. Keep Us Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip and Anne just wanted to enjoy a quiet night out a few months before the baby arrives. The one thing they weren't counting on was running into Phillip's parents.

As much as Anne disliked dressing up, she enjoyed going on dates with Phillip. Especially since he insisted they go on a few dates before the baby arrived since they only had around three months left.

The hostess said it would just but a short wait and then she’d have them seated. They stood quietly as as they waited, Anne’s fingers intertwined with Phillip’s as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

Out of the corner of his eye, Phillip could see a couple whispering as they made no effort to hide the fact that they openly stared at him and Anne. He turned his head slightly to get a better look, a pange of familiarity hit him, his breath caught in his throat when he realized, they were his parents.

He hadn’t seen them since he’d run into them while he was downtown tending to business last year, they’d gotten into a rather public fight, The Carlyles kept mentioning how disappointed they were that Phillip was still at the Circus, they suggested that it was all to get back at them. Phillip managed to hold himself back before things got really ugly.

Subconsciously he tightened his embrace, pulling Anne closer. She felt his arm press tighter into her body “Is something wrong?” Phillip knew there was no point in lying to Anne, she was too clever “My parents are here.” he said hollowly.

Anne peered over his shoulder, suddenly recognizing the older couple seated at the table across the room. Anne didn’t say a word, but she silently pleaded the hostess to return. It’s not that she was scared, because she wasn’t, not of them, but the idea of being confronted by a couple who held nothing but disdain and contempt for her whilst she was six months pregnant, was something Anne was hoping to avoid.

Almost as if they could tell how badly Anne and Phillip wanted to be left alone, The Carlyles made their way over. Anne protectively placed her other hand on her stomach. Phillip’s Father spoke up first “Hello Phillip.” “Mr.Carlyle.” He responded, not even turning his head to reply to the man he once called his father. 

Mr.Carlyle looked back at his son “Phillip, could we speak to you?” 

Phillip’s body remained ridged, still refusing to look to his parents “Anything you have to say that you can’t say in front of my wife. I don’t want to hear.” he said plainly. At another time they might’ve taken joy in seeing The Carlyles squirm in reaction to seeing a black girl not only love their son, but also take their last name, but they simply were wishing the conversation would be over soon.   


At the mention of their marriage Anne’s hand nervously flew to the silver heart locket around her neck, her fingers gently running over the engraved designs, the little star in the upper left in particular.

When Phillip and Anne had started discussing marriage more seriously, she had only one particular thing in mind, she didn’t want a wedding ring. The reason being that she needed her bare hands for the trapeze, she could have worn a ring and taken it off to perform, but she was slightly terrified of losing it. Just thinking about losing something important such as the object that symbolizes her love for Phillip was not an idea she was fond of. Phillip suggested a locket, she could tuck it under her leotard while she performed. So that was what they went with, a silver heart-shaped locket. (Of course, ever the planner that he was, Phillip  _ did  _ get a second wedding band for Anne when he got his, should she ever change her mind, but Anne didn’t need to know that.)

The front was engraved with sorts of swirls and twists around the edges, a star was engraved in the upper left with two smaller stars diagonally across from it on the lower right. The inside was engraved as well, the left half reading ‘Anne Frances Carlyle + Phillip Bailey Carlyle’ and the right side reading ‘You’re the star in my sky’ a quote that was also included in their vows. It was better than Anne could’ve dreamed.

Mrs.Carlyle’s eyes drifted over to the bump developing underneath Anne’s dark navy dress. She turned to whisper something to her husband, he chuckled “I see it wasn’t enough to run off with the help but you decided to knock her up too.” he sneered “You know, just because the bitch got out doesn’t mean you have take responsibility of the puppy, especially if it’s only a mongrel.” Mrs.Carlyle taunted.

Phillip was so mad he could’ve hit her, and he wanted to. How could she say that? She’d said some nasty things before but this. This was a new low, even for her. To him she wasn’t his mother anymore, she was just someone who criticized him, someone who wanted him to abandon his wife and be someone he was not for reasons that were purely superficial, and it made him  _ furious _ . His shoulders tensed. His whole body began to practically lock up in rage.

Anne squeezed his hand, partially in comfort and partially in her own fears. Before she was pregnant she probably would’ve felt more anger, but right now she was afraid. This was exactly the kind of thing that made her worry about having a biracial child. If they were brave enough to come after Anne while she was with Phillip, who knows what would happen to a young child on their own.

Phillip quickly turned to face his parents, or rather the people who were currently harassing him and his wife “What is  _ wrong  _ with you?!” He seethed, a flame of anger burning behind his eyes “You say you want me to come back and stop ‘fooling around’ at the circus but how can you expect me to come back when you say things like that?!”

The Carlyles seemed almost a bit taken back at Phillip shouting back at them, it was like they weren’t expecting him to fight back, their obedient son, the young boy who they’d dragged along to galas and parties, the one who always stayed quiet most of his life, suddenly snapping at them, and he wasn’t done yet

“You insult my wife, and my  _ child _ ,  _ your _ grandchild, I want you to think about that, you shame and belittle a  _ child _ . You condemn someone you haven’t even met, someone who hasn’t even taken their first breath all because of  _ your  _ impossible standards and ideologies, and you still expect me to come running back to you one day?!” Phillip continued, Anne could feel his hand shake with anger, she was almost worried that his heart might give out from the weight of his rage.

He exhaled sharply, taking half a step forward he uttered a final statement to his parents “I don’t care what you think of my life, but I do know that I want you out of it. I swear if you so much as approach us or our child ever  _ again _ , you  _ will _ have hell to pay.” he hissed through gritted teeth

Phillip turned back to Anne again “Let’s get out of here.” he said quietly turning to leave. As they headed to the door Mr.Carlyle had the audacity to make a response “Fine, from now on our last name is purely coincidental, I have no son.” he said coldly.

Not bothering to dignify that with a response Phillip and Anne hurried out the door. Once outside Phillip quickly channeled the remainder of his rage into hailing down a taxi. He began to relax as he helped his wife into the carriage.

He sighed deeply as he took his seat and the carriage started to move “I’m so sorry about that. I thought they would have finally realized to stay away from us” he said staring plainly out the window.

Anne balled up the skirt of her dress in her fist, she wanted to be able to say something that would make him feel better, but Anne wasn’t quite sure what to say. No matter what he said or how he rejected them, they still raised him, and even if it was by choice, he still lost his parents

Anne ran her hand along Phillip’s forearm “Don’t be sorry. Tigers never change their stripes and they’re never gonna be accepting of us, and a lot of people aren’t going to accept us. I think we always knew that they weren’t going to. But that doesn’t matter, we don’t need them to approve of us to be happy.” she said warmly.

Phillip nodded slowly “You’re right. Because they’re my past.” he smiled softly, he looked down at Anne’s hands, still gently cradling her stomach “And you’re my future.” he said placing his hand on top of one of her’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to skip writing a wedding scene, hope that's okay, I had no muse for it and in this verse they had a courthouse wedding so it would have been short anyway. If it is requested or if I suddenly get the muse for it I might write one in the future. The only thing worth really waned to mention (as I did) is that Anne doesn't wear a wedding ring, she wears a silver heart-shaped locket. That was the only detail that really affected anything.
> 
> (Also the fact that Anne wears a wedding locket will come into play in a AU story I'm writing ;) Stay tuned)


	4. Cure Your Aching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna go ahead and but a Warning here because this chapter includes a mild description of vomiting, I wasn't really graphic or anything but if you're very sensitive you might wanna skip this chapter. It's very short anyways so you aren't missing much lol

Yet again Anne had woken up in the middle of the night. When she was younger she always had a bit of trouble going to sleep and staying asleep. Once she and W.D.started trapeze she was always tired enough to go to sleep at night, but now that she was pregnant and back off of the trapeze once again she struggled with the nighttime. 

She reached her arm forward but oddly Phillip was not there. Some recently familiar sounds from down the hall followed a few moments later.

Anne put the pieces together, Phillip was up getting sick again.

About two days ago Anne noticed Phillip had a slight fever, he insisted it was just from overworking himself at the circus the past few days, but the next day the fever was accompanied by chills, lightheadedness, abdominal pain, and of course a fair level of nausea.

Having had her fair share of illness in her childhood, Anne easily identified it as the stomach flu.

Anne slowly sat up and stood up off the bed, she smoothed her nightgown over her stomach before grabbing a rag off the dresser on the way out of the room.

She pushed the bathroom door open slowly, she saw she had guessed right as she saw Phillip on his knees, his head hung over the basin, his back and shoulders twitched as he threw up. It broke her heart seeing him be so helpless like this, and she knew he hated it too. He always wanted to be the responsible one, he wanted to protect Anne, but right now he just felt so weak and broken. 

Anne approached him quietly, she ran her hand gently down his back as she lowered herself to the best of her ability.

Phillip released one of his hands tight grip from the basin and frantically grabbed Anne’s hand. She gave it a gently squeeze to let him know she was there.

He managed to subdue his gagging, he coughed up a bit of what remained. Phillip lifted his head weakly “Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the one holding your hand while you were sick.” he laughed weakly.

Anne smiled softly “You had your turn to take care of me, now it’s my turn to take care of you.” she said wiping the moisture from his forehead with the rag as she thought back on the time period only a few months ago when she was the one his position, Phillip was so sweet and attentive while she was suffering from morning sickness. He always was, the least she could do was care for him while he was sick.

“Remember our vows, in sickness and in health right?” Anne said moving a few sweaty strands of hair out of his eyes. Phillip nodded “Right.” he confirmed, a smile flickered across his face for a moment before he dropped his head and started gagging again.

Anne slowly helped herself up, Phillip reluctantly released her hand, she moved to the sink and soaked an end of the cloth with cool water before returning to the floor next to Phillip, she pressed the cold cloth against his forehead to offer a bit of relief from his fever. 

She stayed with him until the nausea had started to dissipate “You ready to go back to bed?” she asked. Phillip gave a weak nod.

Phillip started to stand up, Anne offered her hand for him to lean on “I’m okay.” Phillip insisted, as he stood fully a sudden wave of dizziness and a slight headache washed over him, he stumbled slightly but Anne caught him before he fell over, he surrendered his hand to Anne the rest of the way down the hall.

Eventually they made it back to bed. Once she helped Phillip she moved to the other side of the bed to get in herself. Moments after she crawled under the blanket she felt Phillip pull her closer into his arms, she could feel the heat from his feverish body pressing into her back and oddly, she didn’t mind it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this shorter chapter, I wrote it in my head as I was falling asleep a few nights ago. I thought it was sort of sweet but I just realized that in all my fics Phillip is either Drunk, Depressed, Sad, Angry, or Dead. I promise I love him but he always gets the short end of the stick in my stories. The next few drabbles in this collections are a lot cuter I promise, I have a very sweet and sappy AnneXPhillip story coming soon as well!


	5. The World We're Gonna Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phillip and Anne finally welcome their child but not all goes as well as they hoped.

It was pretty lucky Anne had started going into labor this morning, although technically her contractions had started the night prior but it was that morning while Anne and Phillip were discussing going if Phillip should go into work when her water finally broke.

Phillip had their neighbors son go fetch their midwife from a few streets away just as planned while Phillip comforted his wife as the contractions steadily intensified.

After the midwife had arrived, despite Anne’s obviously expected discomfort, everything was going about as smoothly as the process of labor could be.

It was the actual birth when things started to get scary.

Anne was laid in their bed, the midwife and her things were all laid out on a table behind her as she was perched neatly at the end of the bed. Phillip was right by Anne’s side, the whole time he hadn’t left at all, not even for a moment. One hand was tightly gripped in Anne’s but he was so focused he could almost not even feel it as Anne squeezed it tighter and tighter with each contraction. His other hand softly stroked hair in comfort and kept the few strands that had become slightly damp with sweat out of her eyes.

Anne continued to push when prompted by the midwife “Okay Anne just one more push. I know you can do it!” she said.

“Just one more,” Phillip leaned closer to Anne “Just one more and they’ll be here.” he whispered quickly kissing her temple.

Anne took a deep breath before starting to push again. A groan of pain slid past her lips, breaking Phillip’s heart slightly, he pushed past it in knowing that their child would soon be here “You’re doing  _ amazing _ .” Phillip reassured.

“It’s a girl!” the midwife exclaimed happily as she started to clean the baby off

Anne looked up at Phillip with a smile, her eyes starting to brim with tears again but this time in joy instead of pain. A slight giggle escaped as she realized Phillip had a very similar expression on his face. He quickly wiped a tear from his face and leaned in for a kiss.

The moment of joy was fleeting as anxiety started to creep in “Why isn’t she crying?” Anne asked with a clear tone of worry in her voice.

Panic had started to grip Phillip’s heart as he realized the room had stayed alarmingly quiet.

His chest tightened as he looked up to see the midwife had taken the baby over to the table “Is she okay?” he asked, unable to stop his voice from shaking slightly.

The midwife was silent as she was working at the table.

Phillip slowly turned his head downwards, not ready to face Anne as his tears shifted away into sorrow. His hand shifted to meet his other as he clasped Anne’s, he quickly started to try and steady his breath and keep from crying, he wanted to be strong for Anne. He  _ had _ to be.

Anne turned her face away from Phillip as well. Feeling like she had failed him, she just couldn’t look him in the eye. He had chosen to leave the family he was born into and she couldn’t even give him one of his own. Her heart ached as she knew just how  _ badly _ he had wanted this, they both did.

The tone of the room had so rapidly shifted in such a short amount of time. It now felt like a fog of numbness had settled.

Suddenly the spell had broken as a sharp cry pierced the room. 

Phillip’s head shot upwards at an almost inhuman pace to see the midwife turning around with a bundle of white cloth.

She quickly brought it over and placed the baby girl into Anne’s arms.

Anne quickly cradled the crying infant and looked across her small face.

Phillip almost didn’t know what to do, oddly enough he started to laugh “You gave us quite a scare babygirl.” he chuckled

“She swallowed some fluid during delivery and it was obstructing her airways. She needed a little help clearing it out.” The midwife explained.

Anne and Phillip were almost too excited to hear what the midwife had said because they had a daughter, and she was  _ perfect _ .

 

* * *

 

Once the midwife had left (However not before answering a few questions and being properly thanked) Phillip and Anne were alone with the baby for the first time.

Phillip and Anne still couldn’t get over the fact that this  _ beautiful _ baby girl was all theirs.

They just couldn’t stop staring at her. Phillip sat with his arm around Anne’s shoulders as she cradled tha small girl  “She looks just like you.” he said in awe “Your nose, eyebrows, mouth, gorgeous curls. It’s all there.”

Anne shook her head “I don’t know, that is definitely  _ your  _ chin.” she said gingerly touching the baby girl’s face “And those may be my curls but that looks like your hair color.” she said smiling as she looked up at Phillip.

He laughed slightly “She’s perfect but, I think she needs a name.” he said

Anne sighed “I think she does too.”

To be honest, Phillip and Anne could have gone on forever about baby names, they had a few that they liked but for some reason it seemed almost impossible. It was like none of the names they had in mind would fit this little girl.

“Would it help if I said the middle name should be honoring someone?” Anne said “W.D. both have honoring middles names, mine is after our mother’s mother. His is after our uncle. I always thought it was kind of nice to have a middle name that ties us to family.”

Phillip nodded “I agree I think it’s excellent, my middle name just means ‘law enforcer’” he said with a smirk.

He looked back down at the tiny girl in Anne’s arms “What about Margaret for a middle name?” he suggested.

Anne looked back up at him “After my mother?” she asked. Phillip nodded “Yeah, I think it’s a lovely name and if your middle name was after her mother I don’t think it’s a bad idea to name our daughter after your mother.” he said

Anne nodded, smiling nostalgically “I’d like that a lot.” she said slightly tearfully “But the non-work-related elephant in the room is a first name.” 

Another discussion and run-through of the names they had but once again none of them seemed to fit.

“Okay stop me if this is crazy, but what about Grace?” Phillip proposed “Since it was her mother’s  _ grace _ up on that trapeze that stole my heart.” he said “The circus brought us together so I think it would be nice to give a small piece of it to her.”

“And it doesn’t hurt that there happens to be an very fine author, poet, and journalist by the name of Grace Greenwood.” Phillip said “First female writer for  _ The New York Post _ as well.” he added with a nod.

Anne laughed as Phillip had managed to once again steer the conversation back to writing. He may have given up writing plays but it didn’t stop him from writing in general, and of course nothing could dull his passion for reading and book in general.

She was slightly shocked how Phillip had seemed to come up with this name almost all on his own, but she didn’t feel like she needed to fight him on it. Grace Margaret Carlyle had a pretty great sound.

Anne looked down at the baby in her arms again “Grace Margaret Carlyle.” she said. Anne repeated the name a few times before looking up at Phillip “I think I like that.”

Phillip nodded “I think I do too.” he said kissing her temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about this chapter, honestly when I started writing this I had no plans to make it this angsty and emotional. It just ended up that way. Y'know I used to thing I wrote angst because I liked the drama but now I think I'm just a sadist. The next chapters are cuter.
> 
> I like how I said that after my last chapter and then I wrote this. I mean it this time, the next chapter is very sweet.


	6. Shake Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace Margaret Carlyle. According to her parents, especially her father, she was perfect in every way. Except for one.

Grace Margaret Carlyle, a baby girl who lay in her crib, her skin a pale tawny color in contrast to the pastel pink of her nightdress. Her hair was locks of curls looking somewhat reminiscent of a tiger’s eye gemstone, dark walnut brown peppered with faint goldish highlights, almost identical to Phillip, Her eyes, although closed, were the same shade as most other newborn babies, a light blue around a few shades darker than her father’s.

Many conversations went on and on over whether or not they would they would stay blue like Phillip or if they would continue to darken to brown like Anne. In fact, the rest of the baby girl mostly resembles her mother, her nose, her mouth, the curve of her eyebrows. The only things she seemed to take from her father was the color of his hair, his chin, and for now, his eyes.

According to her parents, especially her father, she was perfect in every way. Except for one.

Moonlight poured into the bedroom through the large panes of glass in the windows. The light draped across the bed and spilled onto the floor, for such a busy city, once night fell it felt almost serene. The facade of peace was soon broken as a cry pierced through the apartment.

Anne’s entire pregnancy she seemed like she would be a quiet baby, occasionally she stirred but she hardly ever kicked.

Once she was born she made it clear that her activity level in utero would greatly differ from her current activity level.

At a minimum she was waking up seven times a night, but far more often than not it was more than that but after three weeks of this Phillip and Anne had stopped counting.

Phillip was first to wake up, his eyes fluttered open slowly, he started blankly at the wall as he attempted to summon the strength to rise from the bed, his feet slid over the edge of the bed and planted loosely on the floor as his head spun. Still attempting to shake the tiredness from his body Phillip glanced over his shoulder, Anne still appeared to be sleeping, all those sleepless nights added up. Hopefully Phillip could save her from one more.

He forced himself to rise off the bed and move towards the door, his feet dragging the whole way as slowly pushed the door open, careful not to make it creak. He repeated the motion when he got to the door across and slightly diagonal from their bedroom. Phillip walked into the nursery and over to the crib.

He looked down at the tiny girl crying, her face scrunched up as she wailed, he bent over the crib and gently reached under the infant with his hands, lifting her up and cradling her against his chest. Slowly starting to rock her.

Phillip started to wonder how a beautiful girl so angelic as Grace could shriek so loud and for so long.

Grace continued to cry, bordering screaming even. Phillip tried to think of other ways to get her to settle down, he and Anne had tried almost everything, they tried swaddling her but she cried almost harder, they tried changing her clothes but she cried no matter what she wore, they tried leaving the window open, they tried leaving the window closed, shushing her, bouncing her, massaging her, and none of it made any difference.

As Grace cried harder and harder in his arms Phillip racked his brain for something they hadn’t tried yet. He could remember Lettie saying something about how some babies like to be sung to sleep.

Phillip kept rocking Grace as he attempted to think of something to sing to her, not that he was much of a singer, he had the opening number  and the finale at the circus, and that was it, and even then his voice was blended with the many other members of the circus, but that gave him an idea.

He shifted Grace in his arms, moving her from his arms to holding her against his chest, he kissed the top of her head before he started to sing “Ladies and gents this is the moment you’ve waited for.” he softly sung, still swaying gently “Been searching in the dark, your sweat soaking through the floor.”

Phillip felt sort of silly singing something from the circus to Grace, but the circus brought him and Anne together so maybe it was appropriate to use the circus to get their baby to sleep, also it happened to be the only song he knew all the words to.

 

* * *

 

Grace had gone from inconsolable screaming back to crying, but it was still an improvement “All that you know, so tell me do you wanna go?” Phillip sang smiling down at his daughter “Where it’s covered all in the colored lights. Where the runaways are running the night.”

Although Grace kept fussing, when she paused to breath she seemed to quiet down for a few more moments each time. It was almost as if she knew the song “Impossible comes true, it’s taking over you.” of course Anne had been by the circus while she was pregnant, but it seemed like more than that. Almost as if she knew the song, where it was from, the significance of it in her parents life “This is the greatest show.”

Grace’s cries had slowed to fussing, a bit loudly however “It’s everything you ever want, it’s everything you ever need, and it’s here right in front of you.” Phillip ran his fingers through Grace’s curls “This is where _I_ wanna be.”

Her eyes struggled to stay open, Phillip could definitely relate, as he sang the last few lyrics of the song they finally closed “This is the greatest show.” he sang, sighing deeply as he looked down at the finally sleeping baby girl in his arms. He walked over to the crib, slowly bending over to lay her down in the crib.

Phillip laid her on her back in the crib and slowly started to withdraw his arms from underneath her.

He was halfway there when she stirred slightly, Phillip completely froze up, he sent out a silent prayer that she would stay asleep.

Phillip sighed in relief as she thankfully she stayed asleep. Once his hands were free he spent just a moment admiring his daughter. She may interfere with getting a good night’s sleep but she was worth _every_ second of exhaustion.

As the drowsiness started to take over his mind once again he turned to head back to bed.

He had barely reached the door when the shriek rattled through the apartment once again.

Phillip sighed heavily, his shoulders slumped as he rotated on his heels and walked back to the crib. He repeated the motions of lifting his daughter from the crib.

“Again huh? You must really love show business.” he said cradling her head against his chest. He took a deep breath before beginning to sing again “Ladies and gents this is the moment you’ve waited for.”

 

* * *

 

The events of Phillip singing, Grace falling asleep, and then waking up the moment he tried to lay her in her crib repeated over at least twice, Phillip was so tired he almost couldn’t remember.

After he had finished the song he stared down at the baby girl in his arms. He looked up at the crib “I’m not risking it.” he whispered as he turned around and headed back to his bedroom.

He crept quietly back across the hall. He sat down on the edge of the bed and slowly maneuvered his body back under the blankets very slowly as to not wake the baby.

Phillip laid Grace onto his chest, in the past he’d never seemed to move too much while he was asleep, but Anne on the other hand had a habit of changing positions in the night, so this seemed to be the best option.

As Phillip settled back into bed he saw Anne start to stir slightly, her eyes opened sluggishly “‘Lip? Is that?” she slurred.

He lifted on hand from Grace’s back and stroked Anne’s hair softly “Just go back to sleep.” he whispered.

Anne’s eyelids slowly drifted back down and she was quickly fast asleep once again.

  
Phillip looked back down at the little girl fast asleep on his chest. He never thought he’d be lucky enough to have _two_ beautiful, passionate girls in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I told you it was gonna get cute :)


	7. Catch Me if I Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne looks for help as she struggles.

Anne may have been the one who carried Grace inside her, but now that she was here, it was Phillip’s arms that she spent the majority of her time in.

During the day he would hold her, read to her, try and persuade her to nap, talk to her, anything really, he just enjoyed spending time with his daughter.

At night when she refused to sleep it was almost always Phillip who put her to bed, got up to tend to her in the middle of the night, and got her to stop crying. Many nights Grace finally settled down and fell asleep while lying on Phillip’s chest, listening to the soft rhythm of his heartbeat.

Anne really didn’t want to say she was jealous, but she couldn’t help but feel a slight sting at Grace’s clear preference for her father.

For most of her childhood she watched her own mother and daydreamed and wondered what kind of mother she would be. As she grew older however, once she faced that discriminated her and her brother felt. She realized she could never put that on a child.

When she was with Phillip she knew he wanted kids, they hadn’t talked about it but it was easy to see from the way he watched the children leaving the show each night, being with him had made her warm up to it slightly more, but still she couldn’t imagine watching her own child be treated the way she.

One day after the show he asked her about it specifically.

 

* * *

 

_Anne stood in front of a vanity unpinning her wig after the show. The only sound surrounding her was the from dropping the pins into a small ceramic dish._

_Another sound faded in as she pulled her wig off. It was footsteps. She could see in the reflection of the mirror Phillip was heading towards her._

_“Hey.” he greeted sort of meekly. Anne could tell something was off._

_She started to remove the pins from her own hair “Hey, you sound like you got something on your mind. Something wrong?” she asked_

_Phillip took a seat on the edge of a costume chest. He sort of mumbled under his breath a bit before he made his voice clear “A little bit, nothing serious.” he said, his hands fidgeting slightly “As I was saying goodbye there was just-” A slightly nervous laugh broke up his sentence- “There was just this sweet little girl, she was so happy and excited, and she was smiling so big.” Phillip started to smile softly almost subconsciously as he spoke “And it got me wondering what you might think about… y’know having a nice little girl like that someday.” he asked. The way he spoke clearly stated how lightly he was trying to tread._

_Anne pulled the last few pins from her hair and dropped them onto the vanity as her hair fell down around her shoulders. She nervously twirled one between her fingertips. She could see how nervous he was to ask her this, she had no idea how to break it to him, how does one simply dismiss something so important to their partner?_

_“That sounds very nice, but-” She cleared her throat- “I just don’t see having a child being something in my future.” she said turning around._

_Anne could feel guilt begin to weigh down on her shoulders as she watched the smile slipped from his face, for a moment she was sure she could hear his heart break. He quickly nodded “Yeah, yeah, of course. I-I understand.” he stammered awkwardly._

_He stood up from the costume chest “You, uh, ready to head home?” he asked. Anne nodded “Just a minute.” she replied quietly._

_Phillip started to step backwards “I’m gonna wait up front.” he said quietly as he turned around._

_Anne faced towards the mirror again, feeling upset with herself. She felt like she had just crushed a dream of his._

 

* * *

 

After that they never really spoke of it again, but Anne could see that the way he waved goodbye to children after the show had changed. Despite all of that, it never stopped her from dreaming of a child.

When she’d found out she was pregnant with Grace it wasn’t planned, she was of course happy soon after but, the first thing she’d felt was scared. Not only for her child, but for herself. She was afraid after all those years of wondering what kind of mother she would be, what if she was a bad one?

Sometimes Anne wondered if Grace would ever stop favoring Phillip. Of course Anne loved to see how happy Grace made him, the way he held her and looked at her made her heart melt, but she couldn’t help feeling like she was failing somehow. What kind of mother couldn’t quiet down her own baby?

It was so irrational, but Anne couldn’t help but worry that Grace wouldn’t need her. Maybe someday Phillip wouldn’t either. No matter how hard she tried to shake those thoughts, they always managed to creep up on her. She just wanted to get away from those thoughts for a while.

Anne slowly walked up to the door of the nursery. Phillip was inside rocking Grace “Hey.” she greeted as she rested her hand on the frame of the door. Phillip looked up “Hey.” he responded with a smile

Anne drummed her fingers on the doorframe “I was just wondering, would it be okay if I dropped by the circus for a bit? I just wanted to speak to W.D. about a few things. Would you be okay with Grace? I’ll be gone less than an hour.” she said

Phillip seemed caught off guard slightly but he slowly started to nod “Yeah I think so. Is something wrong?” he asked.

Anne shook her head “No, everything’s fine.” she said. She smiled weakly “I’ll be back soon.”

 

* * *

 

Once she’d left the apartment unlike what she had hoped those irrational thoughts only changed, she felt as though she were running away from her problems. However the feeling of walking up to the tent felt sort of soothing in a way.

Anne walked around the main tent to the multiple smaller ones at the back that many of the performers chose to live in and kept walking until she reached the familiar location of her brother’s tent “Dee?” she asked out loud as she pulled the canvas back slowly.

W.D. was reading a book while seated at the edge of his cot. He looked up quickly as he recognized his sister’s voice “Anne! What are you doing here?” he asked closing the book.

Anne walked across the tent and took a seat next to her brother “I missed you.” she said laying her head on his shoulder “And I just needed to get out of the house for a while.” she said

W.D. placed his arm around his little sister “Why? Is Grace doing okay?” he asked.

Anne nodded “She’s great it’s just… She prefers Phillip so clearly- Which is great! But…” she trailed off quietly “You’re gonna think I’m crazy.”

W.D. gave Anne’s shoulder a gentle shake “Come on Annie, you should know by now nothing surprises me anymore, and I already _know_ you’re crazy.” he teased.

She laughed softly before taking a deep breath “I’m scared her and Phillip aren’t gonna need me one day.” she sighed.

“Oh Annie.” W.D. put his other arm around her and pulled her into a hug “That’s not gonna happen.” he said “I’m sure parenting is scary, but that’s not gonna happen.”

Anne traced her fingers over a flower that was embroidered on the skirt of her dress “It’s just that they spend so much time together and she loves him so much. Sometimes I feel like an outsider in my own home. I keep wondering if one day they’re just going to decide that they’re enough for each other.” she said hanging her head.

“You carried her for nine months, you gave her life, you nourish her, Grace isn’t just going to one day decide that she doesn’t need her mother.” he said running his hand over her arm.

“And Phillip loves you. _So_ much. He and I may not be close, but he’s completely head over heels for you, he can’t breathe without you.” W.D. pulled one of his arms away gently “Hell will freeze over before Phillip Carlyle stops loving Anne Wheeler.” he said with a laugh.

“Thank you,” Anne Sighed “I needed this.” When she started her maternity leave from the circus, Anne knew she’d miss it, but she wasn’t quite prepared for how badly she’d miss her brother. She should have expected it, after all, he was the only thing in her life that she’d had since the _very_ beginning.

W.D. smirked “See? Just like we’re never gonna stop needing each other, Grace is never going to stop needing you, and Phillip is never going to stop loving you.” he reassured.

 

* * *

 

Anne spent a bit more time catching up with her brother before starting the walk back to the apartment. 

Unlike she expected, Phillip may not have had everything under control. Anne could hear her cries from the hallway before she even reached the apartment.

After entering the apartment Phillip quickly walked up to her with Grace crying in his arms “Thank god. I can’t get her to stop, I think she wants to eat, she needs you.” Phillip said

Anne quickly took the crying infant into her arms and took a seat on the sofa.

She quickly undid the buttons at the front of her dress and got Grace to latch on like she’d done it a thousand times before.

There was a sense of relief from tension in the room as Grace quieted down. Anne could feel Phillip’s eyes on her, feeling stares was something Anne had gotten used to, but of course this wasn’t how she usually felt them.

Anne looked up at Phillip as he sat across from her “What?” she asked with a small laugh “Nothing,” he shook his head “Just admiring my girls.” he said smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you picked up on it but Grace is very much a daddy's girl :) I'm so excited to write more about their relationship. I'm a little mad at myself for this chapter though, even when I write something cute I have to make it angsty somehow :(


	8. Keeping Me Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between Anne's nightmares and Grace waking up so often, Phillip wasn't getting much sleep.

Phillip woke up with a start. He looked to his left to see Anne whimpering and twitching in her sleep. Phillip could easily recognize she was having a nightmare.

He grabbed her shoulder firmly but not aggressively and shook her slightly “Anne. Anne!” he made sure to speak loudly enough to wake her, but softly enough as to not wake Grace.

Anne shot upright, she desperately tried to catch her breath.

Phillip quickly slid a hand under her leg and around her shoulders and pulled her onto his lap. He held her tightly, rocking softly “Shh, it’s okay. I got you.” he whispered “I got you.”

Nightmares were something Phillip had become quite familiar with. He used to suffer from them after the fire.

He could remember many times he’d woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, his heart racing, unable to catch his breath.

Most of them were hard to remember, some of them were like he was back in the fire, but the worst ones had Anne in them.

In actuality Anne made it out of the fire on her own, but at the time Phillip didn’t know that, in these dreams she was right there in the fire with him. She would call out to him, he could hear her voice like she was right in front of him, but he just couldn’t find her. He couldn’t save her. The fire would get hotter and hotter, and Anne’s voice would grow quieter and quieter, but he wouldn’t stop looking for her. Eventually he’d collapse and wake up in tears.

 

Even if it was getting close to a year ago, he could still vividly remember the helpless feeling of those nightmares.

It was extremely rare now but once in a while, he’d have them again, only now he had Anne to help him out when they showed up if they happened to be especially bad, but mostly, he had adapted to handle them on his own. Still, it was nice to have someone to lean on if it was needed.

Phillip kissed her temple “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked

Anne leaned her head into his chest “I- Uh- It- I don’t even know. It was so- It was awful.” she stammered

Phillip held her tighter “That’s okay, you don’t have to say anything.” he said “It’s okay.”

He continued to hold her for a bit longer. Phillip attempted to lie back down but Anne didn’t seem ready to lay back down and go back to sleep. Something else Phillip recalled from when his nightmares were at their worst. Not wanting to back to sleep for fear that he would be right back in those terrifying dreams.

When he tried to lie back down Anne grabbed his shirt. Phillip sat back up “Sorry.” he whispered with a kiss her the top of her head. Anne remained quiet as she buried her face into his chest.

This continued for several more minutes until Phillip noticed Anne had slowly become limp in his arms. Only then was he able to successfully lay back down with her.

As fate would have it, just when he’d almost fallen asleep again. A cry rang out through the apartment.

Phillip sighed, he disentagled himself from Anne. As he made the familiar walk into the nursery he realized this would be a  _ long _ night

 

* * *

 

Soon enough it became a familiar pattern. Phillip would put Grace to bed and she’d wake a few times but he’d get her to sleep, around halfway through the night was when Anne would start waking up, unlike Grace she’d only wake once or twice, but as soon as he’d comforted Anne from her nightmare, Grace would be up again.

Everynight, the entire night, if he wasn’t up with Grace he was up with Anne and vice versa.

This cycle went on for another month, when Grace was just a few days past three and a half months old, Phillip and Anne had decided it was time for him to be heading back to the circus. 

The first few shows went alright, but it was clear the lack of sleep was starting to wear on him.

 

* * *

 

The ring was empty, aside from Phillip, He’d come in just a little earlier this morning in attempt to practice.

Phillip yawned, covering his mouth his hand, trying, and failing, to hide his tiredness. He attempted to flip and catch the hat in his hand. 

The hat missed his hand by a fair length, crashing into the sandy ground and rolling away. 

It rolled to the feet of Lettie as she walked into the ring. She bent to pick up the hat, dusting it off lightly as she walked over to return it. Phillip took it from her hand “Mnm, thank you.” he said yawning through his words.

“I thought you said you were ready to come back to work. Are you sure you can even stay awake?” Lettie chuckled 

Phillip dragged his hand across his face “It’s just Anne kept me up all night.” he said. Lettie raised an eyebrow “I think you’re gonna want to revisit that sentence.” she cautioned. Phillip gave her a puzzled look, attempting to process what she had said, his shoulders tensed as he realized “Oh, oh no, no. Not like that, not at all.” he stammered “She has nightmares.” He clarified stepping out of the ring to take a seat on the bleachers “They started about a month ago, just when Grace pasted two months, and speaking of she doesn’t sleep either, at all.”

He laughed lightly “So if I’m not up with Grace, I’m up with Anne.” he said “Sorry, I’m complaining too much.”

Lettie nodded as she listened “You don’t have to be sorry.” she said.

Before Mr.Barnum had come to whisk her away into the world of the circus, back when she was still working as a laundress, she’d had plenty of friends become pregnant, once the child had arrived however, not everyone had someone to leave the baby at home with and not everyone could afford to leave work. The sight of a tiny baby sleeping in a basket of mixed linens or tied to their mother in a makeshift sling became a common one. After a while, the symphony of coos and crying babies became regular background noise and occasionally rocking a baby back to sleep or even changing a diaper was just part of the job. 

Even if that was just a small part of it, she was aware how difficult parenting could be.

Phillip pressed his face into his hands “It’s just hard, I love them both so much, but I can’t remember the last time I slept more than an hour.” he mumbled into his hands “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” he said lifting his head.

Lettie took a seat next to him “You can do it. I know you don’t think you can, but you’ll be okay.” she reassured “Life has this way of putting us in situations that seem impossible, you just have to try and look past it, because it seems dark now but there’ll be light before you know it.” she said 

She picked the top hat back up off the ground and offered it back to Phillip again “There’s still plenty of time before the others get here, why don’t you go take a nap?” she suggested.

Phillip seemed hesitant as he took the hat back from her. “I promise you have time, there’s well over four hours til’ the show, and you know that. You have time to take a few hours for your health.” Lettie said.

“You’re probably right.” Phillip said

“I know I’m right.” Lettie responded with a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add my Carwheeler Family based works into a series so I had my little family all in one place, also I wanted to make sure you could tell what was in the same verse since some future chapters I have reference certain events. I wanted to mention 2 things  
> 1.Anne's nightmares are separate from the Post-Partum Depression she was suffering from last chapter.   
> and  
> 2.I'm sure it doesn't matter but I wanted to mention that a line of dialogue in this chapter was inspired by my fave show Grey's Anatomy, there's a part when Bailey is talking to Derek and she asks if he'll be able to stay awake for his next surgery and he says Meredith kept him up last night, Bailey makes a joke about 'not needing to know that much about his personal life.' but he clarifies that she kept him up because she was on the phone with Cristina, it was so funny so I used it as inspiration for this chapter lol. 
> 
> Once again I'm sorry that I always leave such long notes on my chapters.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I say this every time but I'm sorry this turned out so short! A lot of the chapters turned out kind of short, I guess that's just how they always end up, I'll try to write some longer ones in the future!


End file.
